I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
