TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
