...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
