I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
i dont even know how to be here
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
