I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
