I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
