Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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