girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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