I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I wish you could order shots online.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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