Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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