and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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