I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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