we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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