This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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