i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
