why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
