but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
