Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
