Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
