i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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