don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's blow job season.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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