I got chris browned last night
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
