Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
