I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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