Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
