tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
