all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
