if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize