just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
