Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
