It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
