new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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