Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
