This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
