she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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