i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
