This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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