Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
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