Is it normal to miss your booty call?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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