I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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