Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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