that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize