Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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