our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
