She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
