Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
