ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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