If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
