i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize