I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
