what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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