i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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