you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
