This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
