then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
