god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
