dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
