dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
