I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
