Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
