just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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