no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
