My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
