All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
