A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
