Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
