it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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