babies were throwing up all over the place
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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