He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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