she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize