Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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